Thursday, June 5, 2014

With a little help from my friend


Beautiful early June morning.  Listening to Benny Goodman's "Sing! Sing! Sing!" on the radio on my commute to work. It is the best way to begin your day.  Isn't life grand?

The song made me imagine my parents dancing in some dance hall somewhere in the 20's. Having fun, being in love, laughing, having a blast. I wonder if they knew back then just how much they would touch so many lives? I wonder if they knew what kind of a legacy they would leave? Do they know I remember their words? Their stories? Did they know they would have 20 grandchildren and countless great-grandchildren?  Last count I think it was over 30. 

Do any of us know?


Yesterday I was complaining to a close friend that I felt regret  about the kind of mother I was when my children were young. She said to me "You did the best job you could. You were the best mom you could be and you were just what your children needed to be on their journey."

I was what my children needed in order for them to be on their journey. 

Their journey.

Oh! That brings tears of joy to my eyes!  Their journey! How wonderful is that? I am excited for them. I have peace knowing they will be loved and they too will love.


Isn't life grand? My health could be better. My savings account could be bigger. My love life...well...yes, that could be way better! Yet, I am so happy. I am so full of life. This crazy mixed up zany life. I love every bit of it!  I see the sad things that people do. I see it everyday. On the news. At work. The greed. The hatred.  The despair.  These are part of life. Every little bit of it.  Sometimes I fail. At work, at love. But never at life. I am learning that even with all of the mistakes and imperfections in my life,  this is how I grow. This is how I might become evolved. This is how I become whole.

I think I love the end of the day the best. Not because I get to be lazy or lounge around. I love the end of the day because the day happened. It happened and I was part of it. Whether it was a hard day at work or a fun day with friends or family. Maybe it just was a nice day with my little doggy. It happened and now I rest and reflect.


I think daily of my parents and I still weep for them. It does not mean I am not happy. It just means I miss them. I miss talking to them. I miss sharing with them. But still I am happy because look at all that they gave me. Look at the path they helped to pave for me. They used to walk with me and now I am on my own. It was not what I expected. Sometimes a little scary. But it is a glorious path. I walk the path with my shoulders back and my head held high and I proclaim "Here I am world"!  Here I am. Me. This speck of dust on this earth. Yet, I am significant. I do have purpose. Every step I take has purpose. Some steps are met with sadness. Some are met with laughter and friends. Some are met with death. But I take another step. I get through it. Somehow. 

Someone told me some tragic news. She and her family are going to embark on a very sad journey. I know how painful it will be for all involved.  I wish to hold my hand out and save her. But I can only hold her hand and try to comfort. Facing this will be hard. How do I tell her it is the crappy part of life and we all face it?  How do I help her  make sense of it? I could only share with her how important this journey will be for her and her family. I do not know who she will be once she walks through this journey. But I do know she will not be the same person.  And with this moment of sadness comes a moment of "being".


 I know that with every step I take, love and peace are with me. The love and peace I receive from friends...from little animals....from the plants and trees and every living thing on this earth.  Even those who have passed. I hold something they have given me close inside. Something that no one can ever take away. 

This is why today I am happy. This is why this Benny Goodman song brings me so much joy. The song that was written during a dark time in our history. A song that has joy and happiness. A song with passion and life!  This song that connects me with my parents again. With life and with death.

 My eyes tear up with all of the goodness there is. And there is so much.