Peace, Love and all that jazz

Thought is so cunning, so clever, that it distorts everything for its own convenience. Thought in its demand for pleasure brings its own bondage. Thought is the breeder of duality in all our relationships: there is violence in us which gives us pleasure but there is also the desire for peace, the desire to be kind and gentle. This is what is going on all the time in all our lives. Thought not only breeds this duality in us, this contradiction, but it also accumulates the innumerable memories we have had of pleasure and pain, and from these memories it is reborn  . - Freedom from the Known,101

This is one of my favorite readings from Jiddu Krishnamurti.  If you do not know anything about Krishnmurti I recommend you Google his name and read about him. I did and I was fascinated about this man. I had already heard of him and his followers. There is a center in Ojai that teaches his philosophy and I was always curious about him. So, recently, I Googled his name...and well the rest is history.

I would prefer not telling you why (at this time) I am so interested in his way of thinking because I would rather you read about him and come to your own conclusion. I feel that it is not my place to try and persuade you. 

Recently, I got into a sort of heated exchange with a family member. This person said something towards me and I first put my guard up and did not allow that person to upset me. Then when the attack became vicious, I retaliated.

I was bothered about this for a while. Perhaps I still am. I did not like that I responded the way I did and I see now that has been the way I have responded to other attacks in my past. And, it did not sit well with me.  A few days after the heated exchange I took some time to reflect on why I was upset. It was rather difficult because the more I thought about what took place I just got angrier! I just kept coming up with more reasons to be angry.

 So, I took a different approach. I began to read. I began to read from Krishnamurti and I began to read from various blogs about what it meant to be true to myself.....what it means to be genuine.

When you hear the word "genuine" you might think of "genuine leather" or "genuine thought".  You might think about things that are "real".  So, putting into a different perspective....how does a person become "real"? 

I am sure you have heard people say about other people "He is a real person" or "Hey man, keep it real".  I've said it before and the funny thing is I did not really know what I was saying! 

What does it mean to be real?

To answer that you first have to know a little about yourself. What do you like? What makes you comfortable?  Do you do things because everyone else is doing it? Do you act out of fear? Are you afraid of what someone will say about you? Do you say or do things that are truly in your heart or are you acting out from some other place? A need for power? A need to hide?  Do I always need to be right? Do I think if I act tough people will think I'm strong?

And so it seems the answer is different for everyone. Now..that does not mean if you rationalize your behavior you are keeping it real. And by rationalize I mean making excuses for your behavior. That is not being real. So many of us lie to ourselves about why we do things and the truth to the matter is that we aren't fooling anyone.  Because really, you cannot change the truth.

And so I let these thoughts float around for a while and I continued to read and learn.
The next thing I did was to stop thinking. I moved those thoughts outside of myself and I quieted my mind.

The next day, at one moment I sort of woke up! Almost like that little light bulb came on over my head.  Aha!  That's it! I am not being real. I am making this situation about me and it isn't about me. It is about something outside of me that I seem to have a need to control and that is what is making me angry. There is this negative energy I have allowed to enter into my space and I continue to feed it...to nourish it. I need to let it go. I need to stop making things about me. Stop bringing my thoughts to my center and let them just be.

When I realized this notion the next thing I felt was this beautiful unconditional love. I felt it all around me and it was so calming. I immediately began to see what was really important to me. I began to see that what I needed to do was cherish the love around me and not allow what I cannot control to consume me. I cannot allow those who do not love me or wish harm to me to be in my thoughts.  Perhaps I have done something to them that has caused harm? And if that is true, I suppose I owe it to them to talk to them about it and to apologize. Once I apologize I must leave it. I must accept my part in it, apologize if I caused harm and then leave it. 

A day later I heard my Mother speak to me. And for you scientists, I suppose I felt her energy within me.  But I distinctly heard her speak to me. It was her voice but she sounded so loving. She said " It's true Mejia. Just have love in your heart and nothing else will matter.  I have found it and I am so happy".

I suppose in some ways I am grateful for the conflict. Conflict is struggle and once I got away from the struggle I was embraced with love. Love in my heart. Love all around me.  Where there is love there is no struggle.  There is no thought. There is only pure love. Love for my sons. Love for my sons' wife. Love for those who love me and love for those who despise me. 

So, does that mean I will never feel pain or hurt?  Of course not. I am not perfect and I will need to practice this exercise of living in the moment...of calming my mind. And when I stop is when the conflict enters.  Oye vey.....I have a long, long way to go!

However, with love my mind is calm....my world is joyous and my heart is full.