Dreaming

My father finally came to visit me in a dream. I was not expecting him so soon. In the event you do not know, my father, Joe, passed away at the age of 93 on February 10th, 2013. My mother, Esther, passed away on November 14th, 2009.

It is a strange feeling....it is just me now.

Yes, I have my sons, but I don't have any parents. And even though the last 5 years has been more about helping them, they were still there for me. When I really think about it, for most of my life I rebelled against them. I was always fighting with them. That idea is so funny now. Then, later in life, with the help of a therapist I came to understand them. I learned to forgive them and also to appreciate them. I learned that I didn't need to be afraid of my dad anymore and that all my mom really wanted was to be loved.  I understood why some of my siblings harbor bad feelings for our parents and it still makes me sad for them because they will never have a chance to make amends with them. But that's another blog!

I discovered my mom yearned to be creative, but she had such low self esteem that she would always second guess herself. She finally found a way to be creative as well as finding purpose when she began to get involved at her church. She made beautiful drapes for the altar.At my dad's funeral, one of the priests made a remark about how she had left her impression there at the church and how when they put up her drapes they are reminded of her. One year she made childrens costumes for a little dance recital I was organizing. The childrens costumes represented different countries and she made them with no patterns. No one could believe the costumes were hand made. How sorry I am that I let the kids keep those costumes.

I was never good at sewing. I desired it, but I didn't have the patience. But that's ok, anytime I need to hem a pair of pants or darn something, I bring out her little sewing box.

When I open the box my senses are filled with her.

 In the last 10 years of her life I grew to love and know my mom. We had this funny love/hate thing going. We'd argue about the silliest things for about 5 or 10 minutes and then we would just forget all about it in an instant. At first I could not stand to let her win the argument, but then as I realized I could lose her soon, I started to let her win. But it didn't matter. Because we both knew how stupid we both were being.

My mom liked my late husband Jerry immediately upon meeting him. She knew something I didn't. Well, I didn't come to discover it until right before he passed. Her liking Jerry told me mountains about the kind of person she really was. You see, Jerry was a good guy. The kind that are hard to find. And she knew it as soon as she met him.

My mom has visited me a few times in my dreams. The first one she came to show me that she had found her parents. She was a young girl, maybe 6 or 7 years old. She was holding both of their hands and she was so happy. I was so glad that she had found her peace.

I am certain I will be writing more about her....

Back to my dream with my dad! 

In the dream I was dating an African American man. And while that might not be big news, it would be something my parents would not exactly approve of. So, my boyfriend and I were home when we get this surprise visit from my dad. In my dream he is a young man, most likely in his forties. The more I thought about I realized he was around 37 years old when I was born. Maybe this was my first recollection of him...just like in the picture below. He is very happy and calm. And while I thought he was going to be upset when he meets my boyfriend, he is quite the opposite. My dad is very nice to him and he seems genuinely happy for me. Go figure.

The dream sort of took this strange turn and my dad wanted me to help him move some his junk out of the garage. But then he leaves and I am stuck to clean it out myself. Hmmm....funny thing is that almost true to what happened in real life! My dad was a pack rat and when he and my mom moved from their first house they left all their junk! Yikes that was a job....especially for my sons. Oh well...it's all good right?

The other odd thing about the dream is that I asked my dad about mom and whether he had found her. In the dream he didn't seem very concerned about her. Almost a little indifferent. The only thing I could conclude was that perhaps this was a message to me about their individualism. That he loved her but he was his own person. I am not sure about this message. Hopefully time will tell.

I am just so relieved that he came to visit me. I had been a little worried about whether he was at peace yet. I felt bad for him when he was dying. I know he lived a long and good life, but it seemed that he was just beginning to enjoy his bachelorhood and he was talking about things he still wanted to do. Hah! We should be so lucky. In my heart and soul I don't believe he was ready to go. I was worried that he would be lost for awhile until he accepted his passing.  But now, I'm glad he is on his new journey.......

Baseball Rules!

Yes, "BASEBALL" does rule. However, in this case I'm talking about "rules" as in things one should not do in a given situation. Now, if you know anything about baseball you know there is most likely a huge book with all of the rules. Only because there are so many! Not to mention there can be different scenarios for every given rule. Heck, the rules are even different when it comes to softball, slow pitch, Little League and even T-ball. All of which I'm not going to get into now. But what I am going to get into are the "unwritten" rules of baseball.

Unwritten?

But if they are unwritten, why are they still considered rules?

Because, baseball is considered a "gentleman's game". Which comes into suspect when you see a bench clearing brawl. However, these bench clearing brawls are just what I'm talking about. Have you ever wondered why anytime a couple of players get into a riff both teams jump into action?  Because it's one of the unwritten rules. I swear it's true. Whenever a player gets into an argument or fight with an opposing player, you must get up and protect your teammate or teammates. I swear it is true. There have even been books written on the subject. Which I will list at a later time since I only have an hour for lunch.

Here are some of the other unwritten rules:

• Running Across the Diamond

The pitchers mound is consider to be sacred and it is considered to be rude if an opposing player enters the mound area or walks across it

• Tipping Your Cap

When a player has had a great game or has hit a home run, a player is expected to come out of the dugout and tip his cap to the crowd if and when they are cheering or giving him an ovation.

• Showing Up the Umpire

I don't believe this is really an unwritten rule, because plate umpires can throw a player out for arguing a pitch call. But it was said to be an unwritten rule.

• Running Out Ground Balls and Fly Ball

Ever wonder why a player will run as fast he can to first even if it's a given that he is out? The is because baseball is a game of hustle. Even when it's near certain a player won't reach first base safely, he's expected to run hard until the out is recorded.

Stealing Sign

Yes it's rude, but it seems to happen a lot. I just don't understand how it can't!. But you really aren't supposed to be stealing signs.

• Breaking Up Double Plays

Again, it's a rude thing. While it's OK to run into a second baseman or shortstop in an effort to keep him from throwing to first base and completing a double play. But an unwritten rule says you don't slide into the base with your cleats high in an effort to injure the opponent.

Brawls

Sometimes a bean ball can lead to a fight, usually at the pitcher's mound. While fighting is discouraged in the rulebook, the unwritten rule says that when a fight does flare up, you must race in to protect your teammates during the brawl.

Don't Rub It

I love this one. We all know getting hit by a pitch hurts like a son of a gun. But did you know it's considered a sign of weakness to rub the area in order to soothe it? Yeah, this will divide the boys from the men..

Don't Show Up Your Teammates

To me this has to be hard. Whenever your teammate makes a fielding error, the pitcher is expected to keep it inside and not show up his teammate via either verbal or nonverbal expressions of frustration. Ouch!

• Home Runs  

When a team hits back to back home runs, the next hitter to come to bat should not swing at the first pitch. To do so is consider rude and showing off. 

 

6 more days!

Sports Illustrated

It's that time of the year!

Here it is!  Doesn't look like much...but in case you need or want to know what I'll be doing, besides painting and perhaps riding my bike for the next 6 or 7 months!   (Click on picture for larger view)

Still my Guitar Gently Weeps

March 25, 2013

I saw the Cirque Du Soleil "Love"  show on Thursday and my life has been transformed. So with millions of other people I decided to become a blogger. I have so many ideas and thoughts in my head right now and so this seemed like a good medium for that.  I've attempted this in the past and got terribly bored. Not to say I won't again. It's possible I have too many plates in the air. I've begun writing my story/book about Jerry and also begun painting. Of course, in both places I have no idea what I'm doing. Let's pass it off to raw talent! HAH! 


I thought I was going to begin Art Journaling, but I am finding that it feels more like scrapbooking and that's not what I want to do. Here is my first one.  

This was my beginning of my Beatle tribute. This was done before I saw the show. I didn't use any paint in this one, just some art pastels and stickers. Slowly I began to experiment with watercolors.

Again, this isn't what I want to do. Maybe I just need more time or a new approach. Maybe. This one did not turn out how I wanted. I had this idea to have all these coloful stripes all around the paper. But then I tried to fill the page with watercolor and then it was all over. The page that is. So I found an old Rolling Stone magazine and went nuts. It's a mess.

So I began reading art tutorials on the internet. I'd like to at some point take an art class. I just can't afford it at this point. I found a tutorial on how to paint a poppy.

I love poppies and again, I looked at other paintings on the web and started to get inspired. I like painting the flowers...I just need to learn how to add depth to them.  I suppose I have to start somewhere!