Talked about kids going to college, mistakes we think we made as parents, first marriages, how no one is currently doing anything remotely close to what they studied in college, dating after fifty, our elderly parents and our take on Breaking Bad. Trips to Spain, riding our bike through Europe. Someone was celebrating 35 years of marriage and someone was soon to be celebrating 5 years of being cancer free. Someone talked about the challenges of having a child with autism and another told us a story about how she just kicked her son's girlfriend out of the house. Someones daughter sings opera music and some are looking for their next career move.
Ten ladies together on a Sunday afternoon in La Crescenta and the only thing that tied us together was Madeleine. This was how all conversations began: "How do you know Madeleine?". Some of us worked with her, some of us met her through other mutual friends. The question was asked and answered and then we were off to the races! One story leading to the next. Chatting over delicious food, some with a little buzz others preferring just juice or water. Ten ladies, not all over fifty but all intelligent and alive.
It may seem strange and you may not be able to relate, but I do yearn for women friends close to my age.
Do not get me wrong, I love my younger friends. The youngest of my friends is just twenty-seven years old, and yet she is wise beyond her years. I love the time we spend together and it seems like we can talk for hours upon hours from everything from finances to healthy recipes. I would not change a thing from my friendship with her. I actually learn from her.
But there is something so wonderful about sharing with "seasoned" women.
There is a certain acceptance that happens after turning fifty. Acceptance about each other and more importantly about ourselves. It is nice if you still wear make-up, curl your hair or wear high heels. But it is really okay if you don't. It's okay if you color your hair and it's okay if you want your beautiful gray to shine. The important thing is knowing who you are and being comfortable with that.
Yes, I am quite sure there are plenty of younger women who believe they are comfortable with who they are. However, you really don't know who you are or what you are made of until you have the experience. The experience that comes with life and all that life has to offer. Sometimes life hands you pain and sometimes it hands you joy.
Does everyone need trials, tragedy or experience in their life in order to have self realization?
Perhaps not always. But that experience always makes the journey so worthwhile.
And while it may not feel so wonderful, one of the great things about being fifty (or over) is that so many of us are still hungry. Not necessarily ambitious....but hungry. Striving. And while it might seem like a struggle and honestly who wants to struggle...the beautiful thing about struggling is there will be a release. And when you find that you can let go and stop the struggle is when you can really begin to live again. It is taking that huge, deep breath of clean fresh air and feeling so alive. You will stop asking "what do I want to do now?" or even "Can I do this?" and then, you will just "do it". It might take baby steps, but you will take them.
I believe I learned the most since I turned fifty.
The most important thing I've learned is that I still have a lot to learn. I can take the experiences I have had and learn from them. I might make some of the same mistakes again. Maybe again and again. But I will learn. Deep breath. Release. Now move on. Learn some more. You think to yourself "If I only knew then what I know now". But you don't ever want to go back. You've come to really know the phrase "spilled milk".
Then you take another deep breath. Enjoy. Smile. Cry. Laugh. Hug. Buy that new lipstick or those new shoes you don't really need. Wear your Chuck Taylor's. Read that book or watch that old movie and vacuum tomorrow. Shrug off the time you cried at work. Have lunch with a friend. Ride your bike and think of the times you skinned your knee when you were six. Take that Tylenol to ease life's aches. Sometimes you take them with a glass of cool white wine (life's pain not the Tylenol). Cook something your mom or grandma used to make. Cry some more. Laugh some more. Take care of business. Think about dreamy kisses. And when you turn off the light and lay your head down on your pillow, think about those babies you used to hold in your arms.
A few years ago I had one of my many revelations. When this happened I adopted a song and every time I hear this song I am reminded that life is good. I am reminded that I survived. I did it and I am ready to do some more.
When I turned fifty my friend Julie said to me "You have arrived"!
And it was true. I had arrived.
"Breakout"
Songwriters: GORDON, PAUL HOWARD / LUBBOCK, JEREMY / WILLIAMS, JACKWhen every answer's wrong
You're fighting with lost confidence
All expectations come
The time has come to make or break
Move on don't hesitate
Breakout
Don't stop to ask
Now you've found a break to make at last
You've got to find a way
Say what you want to say
Breakout
When situations never change
Tomorrow looks unsure
Don't leave your destiny to chance
What are you waiting for
The time has come to make your break
Breakout
Don't stop to ask
Now you've found a break to make at last
You've got to find a way
Say what you want to say
Breakout
Don't stop to ask
Now you've found a break to make at last
You've got to find a way
Say what you want to say
Breakout
Some people stop at nothing
If you're searching for something
Lay down the law
Shout out for more
Breakout and shout day in day out
Breakout
Such an amazing post! It even got me a little teary eyed. :)
ReplyDeleteAwww....thanks Erin!
ReplyDelete